Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
