I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
