Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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