the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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