oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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