the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Couch. On fire.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
