There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
