He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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