The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
