An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
