my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
