Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
