He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
