She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
