he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
