Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
