Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
