just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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