She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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