please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
