I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
