just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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