Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
