you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
