You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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