I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
