It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
