Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
