I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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