we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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