i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
