By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
