its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
