stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
