Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
