omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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