Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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