when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
