now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
