I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
