white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
