Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Barsexuality is the new black.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
