dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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