I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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