Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
