please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Even my vagina gasped.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
