He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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