I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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