I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
