I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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