matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
