I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have tasted many bathrooms
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
