Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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