So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
