That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
