It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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