What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
