so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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