Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
